MURRAYFIELD HOUSING, EDINBURGH BY ARCHIAL FOR RUMNEY MANOR LTD

ARCHIAL, I AM TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO PUBLISH SO MUCH OF YOUR SHIT. I HAVE NO PARTICULAR AGENDA, I DON'T WANT TO HATE YOU ANY MORE THAN ANY OF THE OTHER SHIT ARCHITECTS IN THIS COUNTRY. BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE WHEN YOU KEEP SENDING OUT IMAGES LIKE THIS.
THIS IS A HOUSING DEVELOPMENT (DESPITE LOOKING MUCH LIKE A 1980S BUSINESS PARK). IT'S IN A CONSERVATION AREA IN EDINBURGH AND HAS PLANNING PERMISSION.
ARCHIAL'S IDEAS ARE SO PISS WEAK THAT THE DRAWING KIND OF FADES INTO TRANSLUCENCY. THE CAD/SKETCHUP MONKEY WAS PRESUMABLY SIMULATING THE LIMP-WRISTED INABILITY OF ARCHIAL'S DRAFSTMEN TO PUSH DOWN HARD ENOUGH ON THE FUCKING FELT TIP.
THE SITE WAS PREVIOUSLY OCCUPIED BY BALFOUR STEWART HOUSE, A QUITE HANDSOME POMOBRUTALIST RMJM OFFICE BUILDING. THE PERNICIOUS MAX HUTCHINSON, FORMER RIBA PRESIDENT AND BOARD MEMBER OF ARCHIAL, PREPARED THE WAY FOR HIS OWN PRACTICE'S PIECE OF SHIT BY COMING UP WITH A SOPHISTICATEDLY DAMNING ASSESSMENT OF THAT BUILDING. HE CALLED RMJM'S PREVIOUS INCUMBENT AN 'INITIALLY SEDUCTIVE COSMETIC WORK OF ARCHITECTURE, WHICH, SADLY, IS CRITICALLY FLAWED IN EXECUTION'. BY WAY OF A REPLACEMENT, ARCHIAL VOUS PROPOSE A NOT-AT-ALL-SEDUCTIVE WORK OF JERRY BUILDING IN THE DEVELOPER VERNACULAR.
THE DEVELOPMENT ENGAGES WITH THE STREET BY BUILDING A GIANT FUCKING WALL BETWEEN ITSELF AND THE PAVEMENT.
THIS IMAGE BEGGARS BELIEF. REALLY.
THE ONLY THING THAT'S POSSIBLY WORSE, IS THE INITIAL, REJECTED APPLICATION. EVEN A TORY FUCKING COUNCILLOR COULDN'T GIVE THIS PERMISSION:

NATIONAL CURLING ACADEMY IN KINROSS, BY ARCHIAL ARCHITECTS

You might have to click on this one to see it properly, but it is a quite remarkable drawing of possibly the ugliest sports hall you'll ever see. What's really, really bad about Archial is that they can't just accept they're rubbish. They feel a pressing need to 'do design', making funky (as in 'offensively malodorous') windows as in the right-hand side of the north elevation, and bizarre supergraphics.
The supergraphic totally confused me to begin with, until I realised it's a cack-handed version of an Otl Aicher pictogram. It's someone curling, of course. Although it looks at best like an Edwardian rugby player, and at worst someone readying themselves for a painful shafting.
OK, a little competition with this post. Can you make head or tail of Archial director Charles Smith?
From the press release: Charles Smith, director at Archial Architects, said, “The general design features of the building reflect the intentions for a world class facility. The elevational treatment of the building is suitably distinctive and will enhance the site’s sense of identity and linkages to the adjacent rural character, using natural, sustainable materials such as timber cladding within the scheme, which creates a horizontal emphasis to the building."
Hm, OK. I'm not sure I know exactly what you mean.
“The use of different materials externally relates directly to the internal composition, therefore linking the internal space arrangements with the external appearance which, in turn, relates to the site and its origins."
Sorry, Charles, you've lost me there.
“Whilst the development is to become an integral part of one of Kinross-shire’s main settlements, the palette chosen specifically reflects the rural setting, enhancing the natural materials and complementing the landscaped setting.”
Yep. Absolutely no idea what you're getting at. Good luck with the planning application, though. The committee should be like a Beckett play if he carries on like that. Might be worth sitting in...

BLAR MHOR HOUSING IN CAOL, FORT WILLIAM BY ARCHIAL FOR LORNE DEVELOPMENTS

Regular readers will be aware of what I consider to be just about the most prolific bad architect in the UK. Step forward Archial, the conglomerate that will be shitting out something awful in your neighbourhood very soon. I've had reason to think that they read this blog before, but now I know they do. Imagine the scene.
"Lads, we have a 300-home masterplan to do in Scotland, but we're shite at masterplanning. What shall we do?"
"I can't remember where I saw it, but whoever it is who made those great drawings of the Leyland Bus site has got real talent - we should hire him/her."
And they obviously did. This masterplan is much, much worse, though, with an even bigger array of Brookside Close moments, and a truly flagrant disregard for any existing geographical or architectural features of the place. Councils! You can have better than this! Just commission a good architect (there are other websites with some of those on them) rather than an utterly shit one who will transplant an urban and architectural language from out of their arse into your town.
One helpful rule of thumb, from Nairn to you. When someone presents a masterplan with a perimeter of a line of trees, it means they're trying to hide something. Do not trust these people.


And the housing itself? Mush. Just mush.

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE, BY ARCHIAL AND THE UNIVERSITY OF BATH

Well, well, well. Archial appears to read our blog. The BBC has covered its proposal for a 'sustainable' house made of Hempcrete (as if it's the first time anyone had ever thought of it). But Auntie said that the proposal was from the University of Bath, rather than this blog's favourite shit architect. We, dear reader, know different.
The image that the BBC ran (the second from the top) is a little less architect-ed up, but it's the same old shit. Archial/Bath Uni couldn't even be bothered to change the angle of the visualisation. The thing I'm sure about is that they saw our comments about how bad the render of the render looked, and took the Tipp-ex to it. Now we have a pristine, white 1980s executive home rather than a slightly grey one.
Thing I'm wondering is, which one came first? Did they add the timber adornments to charm the design press, or did they remove them because the BBC wouldn't understand the architectural sophistication of the timber proposal? What did Archial pay the University of Bath to keep its name out of the frame for this hideous concoction?
Whoever created the BBC version even toned down the lens flare. Which reminds me...

RENEWABLE HOUSE BY ARCHIAL FOR EMPYER HOMES

Not only is the above house 'modular' and 'energy efficient', it is also 'fucking ugly'. The first two quotes are from the press release, the third is from me.
Things I hate about this building include the downpipe, the completely blank flank wall, the tiny windows on the ground floor, and how the visualisation makes it clear just how horrible the sustainable Hemcrete render will really look if it ever gets built.
Archial's reaction to the credit crunch is cynical. Noone's buying any housing, so let's go back to what housebuilders do best, detached houses, tiny windows, fucking ugly, a few modern gob-ons but mostly redolent of some kind of tiny, bastardised, 1980s version of a farmhouse.
Also, on a lighter note, it seems that people who design ugly buildings have found a new button in photoshop - lens flare. I'll be posting more lens flare pictures by bad architects very soon.

MIDDLESBROUGH COLLEGE, MIDDLEHAVEN BY SMC HICKTON MADELEY

Here is a building demonstrating the average commercial architect's complete inability to deal with scale, composition, decorum, appropriateness, humanity or tact. The architect (or possibly year-out student) in charge of this project probably is very proud of the cladding. They may even have worked with a local artist on the pattern.
According to Wikipedia, Hickton Madeley has long experience designing prisons, a typology that they clearly feel has a lot of relevance to the architecture of a college. They should be ashamed of this building, which is more like a lamé Ljubljanka than a seat of education to my eye.
SMC group, which owns Hickton Madely, is now called Archial and pretty much all the practices it has subsumed are rubbish, or have become rubbish since being eaten by SMC. It's a big, rebranded corporation with zero talent, and I will be proving that here over the next weeks and hopefully months.
Last thing. Press releases are full of lies. The project manager of this piece of vandalism says that 'it is exciting to be part of such an internationally acclaimed regeneration programme.' Where exactly is this international acclaim? I have searched the web and found no mentions of it in a positive light overseas. We all know press people are liars. I just want to point out that someone is reading their bullshit.

SOUTH LANARKSHIRE COLLEGE CAMPUS IN EAST KILBRIDE, BY ARCHIAL

LOOK AT THIS FUCKER. IT WOULD BE SCARY IF IT WEREN'T SO UTTERLY, UTTERLY, HOPELESSLY BANAL.
GRAHAM MONTGOMERY, DIRECTOR OF ARCHIAL, GAVE THIS QUOTE, DESPITE APPARENTLY NEVER HAVING SEEN THIS MONSTROSITY. "Dramatic arrival is created as you approach the large volume of the hub – without being overwhelming – as the area between the vertical ‘fins’ is fully glazed, allowing you to see the activity inside," HE SAYS.
IF THIS ISN'T OVERWHELMING, I'D LIKE TO SEE SOMETHING THAT WAS. OH, WAIT. HERE'S ONE.

OFFICE BUILDING, 141 BOTHWELL STREET, GLASGOW BY ARCHIAL

Architectural conglomerate and serial defacer of British cities Archial has recently rebranded, but it hasn't stopped them building nonsense like this wherever they find an opportunity. Any picture of a new building that is taken with the camera pointing upwards (to convey the thrusting dynamism of the architecture) is not to be trusted.
I haven't seen this building in reality, but I hope this is it's bad side. The ashlar stonework (a solid material) walls are expressed as planes (amplifying their thinness and lack of structural intent) in a completely unintentional paradox that would drive Archial's best out of their tiny minds if they could only get their heads around it. I can't be arsed to tell you any more about why this is so bad.
Luckily, though, Cameron Walker, director at Archial Architects, can explain the architectural intent of this monstrosity for our edification. “Designed to allow flexibility and sub-division of floor plates, the development was aimed at occupiers requiring 10,000 sq ft upwards, all benefiting from the impressive double height reception area, five high speed passenger lifts and 18 metre column free spans."