Wow, check out this bad boy. The supercar in the foreground (how many supercar owners shop at Tesco? In Ipswich?) tells you everything about the fantasy world that Mountford Pigott were living in when they designed this one. I'll cut to the chase. Only a man with a very small penis could design this building.Quite where all the shopping is in this incredible monstrosity is a bit of a mystery to me. But the dynamic roofs and the transparency and all that other jazz must have really got them going around the boardroom table. Perhaps the clients had small penises too.
A proper journalist (here) has written before about how bad Tesco is at doing buildings, and in that story, he quoted the head of CABE as saying: "From an aesthetic point of view, there is a lot of snobbery surrounding Tesco. In fact, the company works with some highly respected architects." Don't know about you, but I'm really looking forward to CABE under Mr Finch leading us into a brave new future for architecture in this country.
The above building is a planning application, and is pending a decision. Check it out here if you want to make a comment.
But because democracy is not really what we're all about here at BBA, I instead urge you to check out Mountford Pigott's website, navigate to the retail section, and belly laugh with all your work colleagues about how fucking proud they are of the incompetent approximation of architecture that earns them their daily bread.
With many thanks to a correspondent for this...
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Welcome back. It's been too long.
ReplyDeletePlease don't tell me that someone such as yourself reads the Guardian! That's a drippy newspaper! On the other hand, I think the Tesco article was fairly accurate...
ReplyDeleteO Tesco, o mores. There is something in the way that the broken arch sags in the middle of the building that is profoundly depressing, in a trite sort of way.
ReplyDeleteMore depressing - surely - are the "people" on the balcony?
ReplyDelete"Fuck a candle-lit courtyard cafe - Let's all hang out at the supermarket, watching the ringroad, under the CCTV until the minimum-wage private security bloke get uppity!"
good to see you're back! keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteas for tescos, i've never seen so many escalators in a building!
That is really truly horrific. And almost identical to another Tesco monstrosity in Darndale in Dublin (although they don't call it Darndale as that is one of the roughest and nastiest areas in Dublin, they call it "Clare Hall").
ReplyDeleteMy blood's just run cold at the sight of their Brynmawr development, which is on the former site of the fucking Dunlop Semtex factory. FUCK! Talk about shitting on what architectural heritage we had left.
ReplyDelete"Only a man with a very small penis could design this building."
ReplyDeleteSolid Gold Architectural criticism.
Love it.
Can someone help me out here - is this a before or after photo......
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mountfordpigott.com/pdf/Retail/Aylesford.pdf
love their website NOT!
ReplyDeleteHave just stumbled across your blog..Thank you, wonderful, witty, hard-hitting criticism at last. Haven't laughed so much in ages ('very small penis') although I should be weeping at the sheer shite that is getting built.
ReplyDeleteMountford Piggott is based in New Malden which says it all really. Must get their inspiration from looking out of the window.
ReplyDeleteQuite simply put mate,
ReplyDeleteyou need to get a grip of reality!
We live in a land of poor retail design and 'shock and awe' projects. This monstrosity manages to fit both bills.
ReplyDelete